Mommy Wars: Rising Above

So as a member of the online generation, I'm pretty up to date with all the controversial/hot button topics surrounding motherhood and parenting out there. The latest?  The recent Time Magazine breastfeeding cover...yikes.

Hey, don't get me wrong. I breastfed M until he was 14 months and would have continued if he has wanted to. Till how long? Who knows.  I'm all for breastfeeding, which is entirely different post in itself. This article however had little to do with breastfeeding specifically. What? Yea, exactly. The article is actually supposed to be about Attachment Parenting, you know...the breastfeeding, babywearing, cloth diapering, co-sleeping hippies of modern America.  *waves* Hi, that's me. But they wanted shock value, so they went for it.

Did I go into the parenting game armed with my beco, organic cotton onesies and all natural remedies?...uh, no.  I read up on both breastfeeding and formula, co-sleeping and crib sleeping, the ying and the yang. Guess what? I forgot it ALL when I got home with this perfect little nugget who needed me all the time.  I didn't think, "I'm going to do attachment parenting!", I thought, "Just survive the next hour, the next two...till bedtime".  I did what felt natural is all.

Unfortunately in today's media-fueled society is very, very easy to judge others. Motherhood is no exception.  And I had NO idea what I was in for. I had lost touch with most of my friends from high school who had babies, as the natural rhythm of life goes. I had different bottles in mind. *wink* Anywho, because I lost touch, when I got pregnant with M, I joined an online birth club with hundreds of women all over the world who were having babies the same month as I was. Mainly just to see what aches, pains, symptoms, feelings, etc were 'normal'. And like so many other social situations, the subculture of modern mommyhood is just like high school.  It's a competition all on it's own.

Did you know if you give your kid formula, you're setting him up for learning disabilities when he's older?  Or how about if you don't start CIO at 8 weeks, you're child is going to be constantly attached to you for the next 18 years?  And maybe you didn't know this but if you don't start Baby Einstein videos by the 3rd month of life, you've basically ruined any chance of the kid going to Harvard. Ok, obviously I don't agree with any of that and I wish I was just making it up. Unfortunately, those were statements I read from moms to other moms. Along with ensuing drama from that, add... teens posing as moms, with moms with Munchhausen's by proxy, mix in some good ole fashioned female hormones and you got yourself a time bomb waiting to explode.

I hung in there though, armed with my popcorn, with the prime time drama I was watching unfold as I scrolled through pages of nonsense to see if my son's multiple epic poops a day were normal. I couldn't understand why these women were constantly tearing each other for the choices that they made for their families. Some people choose not to breastfeed simply for convenience/work or some people don't feel like they can get adequate sleep when they share a bed or even room with their kid and not everyone has easy access to a washer and dryer so cloth diapering isn't an option, everybody's situation is different.

I was very, very fortunate so find a tiny little subsection of women, less than 20 of the original 1700+ members, that saved me.  Literally saved me.  They are 18 of the most accepting, loving, giving, smart, talented and HILARIOUS women I'm privileged to know. We have every type of mom imaginable in there; from stay at home moms to single moms, new moms and seasoned 'vets', Republicans and Liberals, moms from Canada and even a gorgeous mom from South Africa. And although we may not agree on everything, we always respect each other's decisions. I love the cross section of personalities we have.  We have talked about everything from religion and death, politics and the big one...mommyhood.  And I have never felt slighted or judged in the least. They've helped me more times then I can think and I only hope that I have been able to return the favor a time or too.

In times of need, these women have gone above and beyond for each other. When one needs reassurance for a impending doctors appointment, she's bombarded with supportive texts. When one needs legal/IT/money advice, someone is always there with an answer.  When one couldn't have her mother with her when she had a new baby, we all chipped in and bought a plane ticket for her mother to fly across country to be there with her daughter. This women are amazing.

We're confronted by choices every day.  Coke or Pepsi, Republican or Democrat, iPad or Kindle, white meat or dark meat...the list so goes. And you're constantly having to defend your answer. And when fellow mothers have college degrees, you're going to have to back up your parenting choices with an explanation...4-5 pages, single spaced, APA format.  Ok, not really but you get where I'm going.  Motherhood isn't just something that you do.  It's a market, it's an arena...and it can be a damn bloodbath.

The trick is to rise above the, "Why is your son crawling yet? Grayson's been on the go since he was 6 month, 4 days old. Scarlett isn't in preschool yet?  Oh she's going to be so behind in Kindergarten.  Oh, no thank, I don't let Isabelle eat any processed foods, but would you like some organic grade carrots sticks I grew in our garden."  It's hard. But we can do it. Just smile and nod and remember to love your kids as individuals.  They're not going to do the same things at the same time as everyone else. Enjoy them for who they are and find like-minded people who don't give into the competition.

In a modern age where people don't even know their neighbors it's sometimes hard to find a connection.  When you mix in the day-to-day responsibilities and tasks, it's hard to find people to relate to.  I wish more people were able to find this in the world. Be it online or in the 'real' world.  Especially in a time where it's easier to tear someone down and judge them, then open your heart to them.  I know how lucky I am not to have to defend myself or my choices and to just have a place to be myself.

For my wives ♥